Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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