What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
