I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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