I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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