I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
