woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
