I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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