we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
