if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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