You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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