I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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