Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Are we still banned from the library?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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