Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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