why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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