There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
God I need to hump something, right now.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
