Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
