why im i the only drunk person in the library?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
