Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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