yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
