Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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