I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
