Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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