im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
