Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
