I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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