Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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