i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
