Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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