i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
