So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
