Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
