This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
