the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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