if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
