Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
