the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
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