I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
