@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
