Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
