At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
