can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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