i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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