fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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