Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
