Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
