Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
