ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
50% drunk capacity currently
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Randomize
