i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
