I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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