R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
